All Because of Logan
by fagulouskogan
Summary: Kendall seeks Logan for help, and Logan depends on Kendall for support through his tough times.


**Hey guys! So this is my first fanfic ever written, so I am vowing to finish it, even if it is complete trash. I hope you like it anyways and that I don't suck as bad as I think?**

Kendall was sitting in the back of the theatre trying to do his math homework before he was needed on stage, until he got stuck. He knew that Logan Mitchell was really smart and could probably help him, so Kendall decided to seek out the older smart boy and ask for help.

_Now where is he?_ Kendall asked himself. As if Logan had heard his name being called, he poked his head through the curtains and started walking right towards Kendall. "Hey Logan! Do you think that you could help me with my Algebra II homework?"

"Sure! What are you working on?"

"Conics or something like that… it's parabolas, hyperbolas, circles, and shit."

"Oh, I _hated_ that stuff. But yeah, I can help you." Logan said with a smile. Kendall guided Logan to his homework and the older boy began teaching Kendall an easier way to look at his math so that Kendall could really understand it.

"Knight! Mitchell! On stage,_ NOW_!" Called Gustavo, the director and writer of the Easter production they were both in.

"_Coming!"_ yelled the mentioned boys.

After practice, Kendall was talking to his friend, when Logan walked by, about to leave. He crossed over to say goodbye, which the blond found slightly strange, and then Logan stretched out his arm and hugged Kendall goodbye. _What the hell? We've only talked about math, why the hell did he just hug me? _Kendall asked himself.

On the drive home, the blond boy couldn't stop thinking about Logan. His perfectly white teeth, his incredibly deep dimples, how nice he was, the way he smelled like he had just stepped out of the shower, his face when he concentrated, his _everything._ This was a problem, you see, because Kendall was straight. Well, he was supposed to be anyways, and to even think about another guy for longer than 10 seconds is just not acceptable in his mind. Besides, Logan had been dating Camille for almost two years, so he was definitely off limits.

When he got home, Kendall showered and tried to go to bed, but then he heard his mom screaming from downstairs.

At first, he thought she was yelling at Katie, and he was prepared to go down and defend his sister, until he heard: "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN. HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE PERSON LET ANOTHER PERSON DOWN? AND YOU _CLAIM_ TO LOVE HIM? YEAH RIGHT. THEY WERE BETTER OFF BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO ACT LIKE YOU CARE BECAUSE NOW ALL YOU DO IS DISSAPOINT THEM AND I AM TIRED OF WATCHING MY KIDS CRY OVER A PIECE OF CRAP LIKE YOU."

_I bet that's dad,_ Kendall thought. And when that thought crossed his mind, he heard his mom start crying in her room. He lay down and cried because he knew his mom was hurting again, and it was more than likely his fault. Everything was always his fault.

That's why he used to cut. No matter what happened, it always seemed to be Kendall's fault. Oh, Katie's failing? That's Kendall's fault. The family's in debt? That's Kendall's fault. Carlos and Sammy are fighting? That's Kendall's fault. Or at least, that's how everyone always made it out to be.

But he was better than that now. He had gone to a rehabilitation center for 3 months, and he still met with his therapist once a month. Kendall had learned how to cope, and for the most part, he was genuinely happy now, but that didn't mean that cutting never crossed his mind.

After school the next day, Kendall decided to call his best friend, Carlos.

"But he's dating _Camille!"_ Kendall protested. He had just told Carlos he might have feelings for Logan, so that Carlos could talk him out of this, but he had just thought it was cute and was being super supportive. Great.

"So? Let's get real for a minute Kendall, when has that _ever_ stopped you before?"

"Just because I could go after _girls_ that were taken, does NOT mean I can go after a _boy_ that is taken; especially not a straight one that's been dating his girlfriend for almost _two years."_

"Oh come on, Kendall. Stop being such a pussy. The heart wants what the heart wants."

"Not when the heart wants a straight male with a _girlfriend._"

"I really wish you would shut up about Camille. I almost guarantee you she's a shitty girlfriend. She's always such a bitch to everyone, so I don't know why Logan's even with her. You would be a God-sent gift in comparison"

"Oh whatever Carlos, it's not like Logan likes boys anyways, especially not tall blond ones."

"We don't know that. Camille could totally be a cover. You just never know these days."

"Don't you have a girlfriend to tend to?"

"_You_ are the one who called _me._ Sorry for trying to SUPPORT you and your future boyfriend."

"Do NOT call him that. We are NOT going to date. So please, for the love of all things good, shut the fuck up."

Carlos sighed and then said "Whatever man, I'm going to get off of here and allow you to fantasize about you and Mr. Smarty-pants."

"I do not fantasize about us!" And with that, Kendall hung up.

About an hour later, Kendall headed off to practice.

Gustavo was directing Jett around the stage, who was playing the role of Jesus, like always, and everybody else on stage was standing there trying to find something entertaining. Kendall was looking at Carlos making stupid faces and trying not to burst out laughing.

He briefly flashed his eyes up to where Logan was standing and lo and behold, the short boy was staring right at him. Green met brown briefly, but Kendall could feel himself getting hard, so he looked back at Carlos. Of course the Latino had witnessed the brief eye sex that occurred, so he wiggled his eyebrows toward his best friend.

Kendall shook his head 'no' and mouthed "Shut up," to his friend and then looked away. Practice ended early that night because Gustavo needed to work with Jett individually, so Kendall ducked out fast to get to the bathroom.

When he got in the bathroom, he splashed some cold water on his face to help clear his mind.

"Hey man, are you okay?" A familiar angelic voice asked.

"Um… yeah, I just needed to clear my head." Kendall replied.

"Oh, well if you need to talk, I've been told I'm a good listener…" _Too bad I can't talk to _you_ about how fucking hot _you_ are._

"No thanks Logan, I'm fine."

"Well, okay then, I assume I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You will?"

"We have a dress rehearsal…" _You will? GOD, I am such an idiot._

"Oh, right, sorry. I must've forgotten somehow. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow then." Then Kendall walked out, closing his eyes and biting his lip to keep from screaming at himself. He walked to his car, and when he got in, he felt a familiar coldness eating at him. He wanted to return to his old ways.

He couldn't though, could he? Could he go back to hiding his wrists with bracelets, and the pain with a smile? Could he hurt his baby sister and Mom again? No, he couldn't. But that didn't mean he didn't feel the need to. He didn't necessarily _want _to, he just _needed_ to, or he felt like it, anyways. But he wouldn't. No, he couldn't.

To make sure that he wouldn't harm himself, he did what his therapist had told him to do all those years ago – call someone and tell them. Kendall reached into his pocket and quickly dialed Carlos.

The blond told his best friend everything. How he got hard just from locking eyes with Logan, how he thought of Logan when he jerked off the previous night, how he had overheard his mom arguing on the phone with someone about how she couldn't believe they were bailing _again_, how he had listened to her cry herself to sleep, and lastly, how he felt the need to etch lines into his wrist again.

"Man, I'm begging you, _please_ don't do this. I'm here for you bro, and I just don't want you to give in like this. Not again. I won't let you drag yourself down into that hole again. You deserve to be happy."

"Damn right I do. So why does this crap have to happen? Why can't I just be a normal fucking teenager?"

"We both know you don't want to be normal. Normal people are boring, and you, my dear friend, are not boring."

Kendall blinked back tears as he pulled into his driveway. "Thanks man, but I have to go now, I'm home."

"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye." Then the tears came pouring out of his eyes like a dam had just gave way. Telling Carlos was supposed to help him, not make him want to cut himself more, but the thought of disappointing his best friend just made him hurt more on the inside.

When he was done crying and had successfully pulled himself together, Kendall got out of his car, put on his best fake smile, and went inside.

Luckily, none of his family was awake, so he just darted up the stairs into his room. He hopped in the shower, and let the hot water run down his body as to help clear his mind. Once the water turned to ice, he got out, crawled into bed, and cried himself to sleep.

The next day at school, Kendall decided to text his mom and find out who it was she was talking to on the phone the other night.

"_It was your father. He isn't coming to see the play, but he didn't want to tell you because he knew it would upset you. I'm sorry sweetie."_

"_It's fine. I didn't really expect him too. He's an ass like that. But I have to go, teach is getting suspicious. Love you."_

"_Language. But I love you too honey, have a good day! :o)"_

He needed a knife, or a razor, or _something. No. what I need is to tell someone else. Have another person keep me accountable._ So then, Kendall decided to tell Logan that he was hurting on the inside, and needed to hurt on the outside.

"Hey Logan, can I talk to you for a second?" Kendall asked his new friend before the dress rehearsal.

"Sure man, what's up?"

"I don't know if you know this about me, but I used to be a cutter." Kendall displayed his left arm so Logan could see the scars. Logan gasped.

"I didn't actually, but why are you telling me this?"

"I didn't finish. I have this desire to go back to those ways, and the other night you said you were a good listener, so I thought maybe I could talk to you..?"

"Oh, Kendall! Please don't, you're better than that now! Of course you can talk to me! How about we talk after practice tonight, okay?" The brunette boy smiled up at Kendall, taking in his gorgeous green eyes.

"Okay, thank you, Logan. Seriously."

After practice, Kendall went outside to his car, and put all of his papers inside, and then went to go sit on the hood of his car and wait for Logan.

"Okay, let's talk." Logan said as he got himself situated on the hood beside Kendall.

"Okay, so I am a huge daddy's boy. Which I know sounds weird since he cheated on my mom or whatever, but I'm not bitter about that anymore."

"Right, go on." Logan encouraged.

"Well, he's a bit unsupportive of everything I do. Like, he says that he is so proud of me and that he'll come see me in shows and in band concerts, and bla bla bla, but he always ends up bailing. I was hoping that maybe, just _maybe_ he would come see this Easter show. Especially since I haven't seen him in about 9 months, but he called my mom to tell her that he "just can't make it," but he didn't have the balls to tell me, so he called her instead. My dad doesn't even want to fucking talk to me, Logan. He doesn't want to fucking see me either. That's heart breaking."

"Kendall, I'm sorry, but I'm sure he _wants _to see you… something just probably came up." Logan offered as he started rubbing his friends back.

_I wish he'd rub me somewhere else…_ Kendall thought to himself. "I doubt it. He just didn't want to come see it because it's semi-religious. He could've just skipped out on the play and came to see me. That's all I want. I just want to see my dad. Is that so much to ask?"

"No, it's not Kendall, but it's no reason to harm yourself okay?"

Kendall sighed. "I know, but sometimes I wonder if he would've came to see it if it had been my sister in the play instead."

"Look at me." Kendall did as he was told. "Your sister is no better than you. Your father loves you both equally, okay? He loves you too, Kendall. I mean, how could he not? You're his son for Pete's sake!"

Kendall laughed at that expression; he hadn't heard it in a while.

"Thanks Logan, and just so you know, you are a really good listener." Kendall got off of his car, and hugged Logan bye. Then he got in his car, and went home.

He didn't cry himself to sleep that night.

When he woke up, Kendall just had that feeling that it was going to be a bad day, which is not how one should wake up on a Friday. He got out of bed, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and got ready for school.

Apparently, he had a test in Biology that morning; oops. After most definitely failing and sleeping the rest of class, he headed off to math.

He apparently had a quiz that day too;_ huh_. He felt pretty confident about it though, with a lot of thanks to Logan for that. After math, he was off to his least favorite class: English.

It's not that he minded the class, he just despised his teacher. She was like, the poster child for forever alone, and she was _always_ hitting on Kendall. Always.

He was the first one to class that day, and Ms. Wainwright was writing _Romeo and Juliet_ on the board.

"Oh hello Kendall, are you excited to start Romeo and Juliet today?" _Ah shit. Just what I need, a nice dose of kill me now to go with my love life._

"Not really Ms. W., I don't really believe in love."

"Aw, c'mon, surely there's a lucky lady to that you have your beautiful eyes on?"

"Nope, such a lady ceases to exist." And with that, Kendall sat down and got ready to be bored to death.

At lunch, his friends were making cat jokes about Ms. Wainwright, which cheered Kendall up a lot. After lunch, he headed to history to yet again be unpleasantly surprised with a test. Kendall was pretty sure he failed that one too. Oh well, he had a 98 in that class anyways.

After school, Kendall went home and prepared himself for opening night. He unwillingly put on foundation, bronzer, and eyeliner to be ready for the stage lights. He knew that only 50% of the other guys would do this, but he was trying to get on Gustavo's good side.

He left his house at about 5:30, so he would be at the theatre by 6:00. He pulled in, and the valet told him to park right next to— _shocker_— Logan's car. Kendall parked and went inside.

Backstage was incredibly chaotic. Everyone was racing around trying to find costumes, and makeup, and hairspray, and this, and that.

At about 15 minutes until show time, Gustavo called everybody over to one side to just wish everybody good luck and to call places.

Before Kendall could move, Logan was there, and asked him how he was doing. Kendall just told him that he had a bad day, but it was beginning to improve.

**L**ogan was pleased and then they went to places.

After the show, Kendall was about to leave when he heard a familiar voice yell, "Hey Kendall! Wait up a second, bro!"

Kendall stopped and waited on Logan to see what the hell was so exciting.

"You know how mine and Camille's two year anniversary is this Sunday?"

"No, but go on anyways."

"Well, it is. But I need to know, what do you think of this ring?" Logan pulled out his phone and showed Kendall this huge ass diamond ring.

"Um, it looks nice, and incredibly expensive. Are you proposing or something?"

Logan laughed a little and said, "No, but last year I got her some glittery piece of shit for a promise ring, so I'm going to give her this new prettier one. What do you think?"

"I think she'll love it, man."

"Alright, thanks! I'll see you tomorrow!"

When Kendall got to his car, he knew he was in some deep shit. Because now, he realized just how deep his feelings were for Logan. Kendall now wanted to stab Camille in the eyes with a plastic spork about 10 times and then poor bleach all over her body.

He drove home, and got in the shower. There were two razors staring right at him. _No. I promised Logan and Carlos that I wouldn't do this. I'm not going back on that promise. I can't go back on that promise, _Kendall thought to himself.

He got out of the shower, and went straight to bed. He was incredibly tired, and he felt like the whole world was on his shoulders.

He had a really bad nightmare, and woke up at about 3 in the morning, he ran to his bathroom, flipped on the light, and threw open his drawers where he kept his blades. He grabbed one, and sat in the floor crying his eyes out.

He dragged the blade across his wrist two times before he could stop himself. He watched himself the crimson lines pool and drip down onto the floor. He wished that he could just die of too much blood loss right then and there, but he knew that cuts weren't bad enough.

Kendall grabbed some toilet paper, wiped up the blood that found its way to the floor, and stopped the bleeding.

Then he crawled back in bed, and cried himself to sleep yet again.

He woke up around noon, and realized he had to be at the theatre in one hour, so he hopped in the shower to wake himself up, and threw on some clothes, making sure he picked a long sleeve shirt to hide the marks on his wrist. He went downstairs and made himself some Lucky Charms.

"Hey big brother, how was the first show last night?" Katie asked him.

"It was good baby sister. When are you and Mom coming again?"

"We'll be there this Wednesday. It better be good, or I'll kick your ass."

He just laughed and watched her walk off. _God, when did she start cussing? That needs to stop; she's growing up fast enough,_ Kendall thought to himself.

When he was done eating his cereal, he went back upstairs to do his makeup, which felt weird for Kendall. After that, he realized that his hair was not wanted to dry properly, so he decided he would blow dry it straight to keep it tame.

When that was done, it was about 12:40, so he ran downstairs to his car and headed to the theatre. He got there right at 1:00, parked, and went inside.

He helped the younger boys with their costumes, and even managed to do a few guys' makeup when Logan came up to him.

"Hey Kendall, can you do my eyeliner? I don't trust any of these other people enough with my face." Kendall just laughed and agreed.

With shaky hands, Kendall looked right at Logan's eyes, trying to concentrate on the eyeliner, not the beautiful sight that was Logan Mitchell.

Slowly, he tugged at the outer corner of Logan's eyes to make the skin tight so he could get the eyeliner on top. He started in the middle, and worked his way out. Then he went to the inner corner and connected his lines.

The bottom part scared Kendall. "Open your eyes for this part, Logan." Logan did as he was told, and Kendall pulled his skin down. He smoothly applied the black to the lower part of Logan's eyes, and then he was done.

Kendall ended up doing a pretty good job, and he managed to not poke Logan in the eye once. Both boys were impressed. About this time, Gustavo called all the cast over for notes and good lucks. Afterwards, he called places.

"Good luck tonight man." Logan told Kendall.

"Yeah, you too."

During the show, Kendall and Logan had time for a little conversation before going back out, so Kendall manned up and decided to tell Logan what happened last night.

"Hey Logie…" Kendall whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that thing I wanted to do that I told you the other night?"

"Kendall… please tell me you didn't do it…"

"I could, but I'd be lying… But it isn't that bad Logan! It's just two cuts."

"Still. It should've been none. Why didn't you call me?"

"It was like three in the morning! I didn't realize what I was doing until I saw that blood!" Kendall was starting to get a little loud in his defensive state.

"Keep your voice down, Kendall. Just promise me that next time you'll call me, okay? No matter what time it is. I'm here for you. Forever and always."

Kendall smiled at this and just hugged Logan. "I promise."

About a week had passed with no more cuttings, and Logan had called Kendall on Monday afternoon to tell him the events of his and Camille's anniversary. Kendall didn't really see the point in that since nothing happened except Camille and Logan had kissed a lot, but whatever.

It was now Sunday night, and Kendall had realized that they were halfway through the Easter shows. He was a little bittersweet about that.

He had been really tired because of all the shows, but he got to see his best friends constantly, so he was always in a good mood, and Kendall wasn't really sure if he was ready to not see Logan every day.

He was about to go to bed, when he got a text from Logan that made Kendall's heart drop to his stomach and his stomach almost come out through his mouth.

"_I think me and Cam are about to break up… :("_

**So I'm sure it's not the best but hey, it's my first fanfic, so be as nice as possible in the reviews but still be honest? That would be really nice of you fabulous readers :)**


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